Honesty and Anal: an Introduction
Over the weekend I went on a date. Today’s Cupid Meets Fish date was 6 feet and three inches full of lewd and disrespectful comments wrapped up in an emoji shrug and a slick “I’m just being honest.” I nodded and smiled, making the decision to give him a sip of that same honest-tea, something he certainly was not prepared to drink. As disgusted as I was by this individual’s personality, it got me thinking about this seemingly pious thing we call ”honesty” especially when it comes to relationships. I noted something:
We can learn a lot about how honesty works if we just analyze anal sex in a traditional vanilla relationship.
I know it may seem odd or vulgar to compare the two but they are actually one in the same when it comes to relationships. Understanding the mechanics of anal sex will set you up for a successfully honest relationship whether it’s friends with benefits or your forever boo. So let’s do it! Let’s have some anal!
“Come on baby, it’ll feel good, I promise.” Mr. Everyman snuggled up tighter to his boo, his rock hard pecker digging into her right butt cheek as it tried to find her middle.
She rolled over so her rear end was protected by the embrace of the mattress.
“Not tonight,” she murmured for the umpteenth time. “Let’s just get some sleep…”
Mr Everyman and his boo are not having anal.
Honesty: it’s craved in a relationship by one or both parties but depending on the level of trust in each individual, it may not always be received.
When both parties go into the relationship with the mindset that they are not going to be receiving and/or giving honesty, the relationship does not work. This may seem like a very obvious statement but in our current culture, a lot of individuals carry a mindset that “males aren’t shit” or that “females are bitches” thinking no one is to be trusted, to the point where a relationship starts off a lot like that movie Mr. and Mrs. Smith: everyone lying and/or believing the other party is lying.
It’s 1 am on a Friday night and Mr. Everyman and his boo are filled with drinks and laughs from dinner with their friends. He decides to shoot his shot. He slobbers wet kisses all over her neck, supple breast, and stomach.
“Let’s make tonight special…” he murmurs between drunken pecks on her body.
She shrugs. Tequila always makes her freaky so fuck it, she thinks, allowing Mr. Everyman to fumble her purple panties off her booty.
But Mr. Everyman gets too excited, loving the tight hole a little too much, shoving himself inside her a little too hard…
Mr Everyman is only servicing himself.
Honesty isn’t always a good thing especially when it’s self serving.
Self serving honesty looks a lot like that date I had, where he had no regard for my feelings and just said how he felt when he felt it for himself. This type of honesty isn’t about mutual understanding. It’s just one person wanting his or her surroundings to be comfortable to them at any cost. Honesty like this hurts and it’s a pain that does not get better because instead of the other individual opening up, they close off even more, so you are basically jamming your dick or dildo into a clenched asshole which may feel fine to you because you’re gunna get in there anyway but feels brutal for the other party.
The Best Anal Sex
Mr. Everyman cuddles up with his boo. He slides his lube covered tip around her asshole, teasing her. It feels good so she inches back towards him: a little moan let’s him know she’s ready. His tip kisses the side of her round bun one more time before finding her creamy middle. He shudders with excitement, her insides were practically begging for him…
The best anal sex is the type of anal where both parties are fully invested and want to do it with each other. Both individuals are ready to listen to each other’s bodies and provide/receive the penetration with the other partner in mind.
Honesty only works in a relationship when there is mutual trust and effort.
This is not to say you have to wait six months until you fully trust the person to engage in honesty. Honesty can start from that first encounter, that first text message. But both parties must be thinking about the other person’s feelings and have a mindset where they trust that everything being said was said from a place that took those feelings into account. Honesty, like anal penetration, is hard to take but only when there’s no trust behind it ( pun intended). If you tell me you hate my hair (as my date had told me) but you are thinking about my feelings and me as an individual, you’re going to choose words that tell me you hate my hair but also let me know that you are providing me feedback and not just shitting on me. Honesty that is done correctly may sting here and there but ultimately it feels good and will be a healthy part of your relationship.
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Should we treat ourselves like we treat our favorite food?
And here’s why:
So I’m sitting at home in my underwear munching on chocolate covered almonds after a very odd date. I don’t even know if I can call it a date…it was more like, an encounter. So I met this loser on OKCupid and he was all let’s go out, let’s go out, blah blah blah. Day of (today) he’s like, we’ll grab something to eat around me. So I park the car a few blocks away from his location and go to meet him there. We meet and I say, where are we headed? He says, let’s walk.
So we proceed to walk….a silent(ish), awkward(ish) walk…in the direction of my car. “Oh we’re not going to get coffee or something?” I ask. “Yeah, yeah” he says as we get closer to my car. He then “gets a call” where he tells the individual on the other line that he will be “home soon.” So I say “Alright” and he says “have a nice day!” And he heads on off.
This man met up with me. To drop me off. At my car.
Now as I sat in my vehicle sucking on my vape all I could think was, what the fuck was that?! So I start going down a list of all the possible things that could be wrong with me that he could have witnessed in that fifteen minute encounter to have warranted such an abrupt end.
Then it hits me: I (and you-we) should treat ourselves the way we treat our favorite food.
So one of my favorite foods are these yummy chocolate covered almonds I just devoured. Let’s say you offer these almonds to a friend: you want to share this delightful treat with someone else. This person says “I don’t like em” naturally your reaction is surprise: “what that’s crazy, these are the best!” You insist. “Nah, not a fan.” Your friend replies. So, you leave it at that. “Your loss” you shrug and continue to eat that yummy snack.
Now, let’s say you’re like me and always think you’re right. You’re gunna argue with this person “hey man, chocolate covered almonds are the best and here’s all the reasons why. What makes you not like them?!” you ask. “They’re too chocolatey or they’re too almondy or I don’t like sweets” your buddy responds. And with that, you shrug your shoulders and keep it moving. (We’re gunna call your friend Bob)
Your love for chocolate covered almonds didn’t decrease because Bob said he didn’t like them. You didn’t suddenly hate how chocolatey the almonds were because bitch ass Bob had a problem with them. You like how chocolatey it is. It’s not “too chocolatey ” it’s just right. And you didn’t try to make the almonds less chocolatey to get Bob to like them. You didn’t get them to be less sweet or less almondy you just counted it to Bob’s loss.
And you know what else you didn’t do? You didn’t stop offering it to those you wanted to try it just because Bob didn’t like it.
So why do we do it to ourselves?
Why is it that when we find out someone doesn’t like our hair suddenly we feel weird about our hair?
Why is it that if someone comments on our body suddenly we are considering altering our bodies?
Why is it that when one person rejects us we decide , you know what, I’m not even gonna bother any more.
Why the hell do we keep trying to feed the Bobs of the world our fucking nuts?!
We need to treat ourselves like we treat our favorite food. Have conviction in the things that make us awesome. Believe that we are awesome and stay believing it no matter what anyone else thinks.
Because just like our favorite food we will find that person that says omg I love chocolate covered almonds.
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